When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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