I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
