Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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