Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
