I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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