a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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