The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As shirtless as possible
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
