I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
