guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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