my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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