No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
