I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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