dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
