You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude. I can hear the air.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
