how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
