Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
