I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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