she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
bring money and cleavage
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
