If that was your dad, he is hot
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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