sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
