This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
