Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
