I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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