Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
