Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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