Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
