I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
