That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
