I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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