So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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