nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
