I love black thongs
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
