i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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