someone get that fucking seahorse.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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