Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
