I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
