She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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