are you so shy because you have an std?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
