I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
