i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
