Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
