So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
