6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
