Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
