oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
