I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
