i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
