Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
