Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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