Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
