Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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